The 8 Stages of Wasting A Day Hungover

The weekend starts with such high hopes. You’re going to relax a bit on Saturday, maybe catch up on some reading, before a night out with some friends. Then on Sunday you’re going to crush those chores around the house and yard, get the place really looking spiffy. Unfortunately for you, you’re about to get all too familiar with the 8 stages of a hangover instead.

Stage One: The Late Night

The clock long ago struck midnight, but you only get so many real nights out like this anymore so you’re not going to be the party pooper who goes home early. Plus, you did this all the time in college no sweat. One more shot, or three, isn’t going to be the end of the world.

Stage Two: The False Start
The light attacks your eyes in an unpleasant way, as you half awake from atop your covers. A glimpse at the clock shows a reasonable hour, but certainly you can afford another hour, so you shut the shades and retreat to dreamland.

Stage Three: The Creeping Realization

Tossing and turning, you tell yourself it’s still early and try to back to sleep, but instead every minute brings some fresh pain. You’re frozen one minute, pouring sweat the next. A series of anvils falls inside your forehead, until your stomach suddenly announces its displeasure with current circumstance. Oh, and the clock tells you noon was a half hour ago.

Stage Four: The Shower

Lighting the bathroom as minimally as possible, you climb into the shower hoping to some hot water will get your blood pumping and body working again. At first you have a glimmer of hope as the warm water makes you feel almost human for a moment before the crushing pain returns, and no matter how much you increase the temperature you can’t get that first feeling back again.

Stage Five: The Shutdown

Haphazardly dressed, you retreat to the sofa. All you need to do is ride this out for a couple of hours, and  you’ll still be able to get a little done. Might as well binge a bit of Netflix while you’re at it.

Stage Six: The Hunger

Suddenly noticing the room is getting dark, you realize you’ve been sitting for 5 hours...and you need food right now. Of course your stomach turns its nose up to everything in the fridge, so you have no choice but to order out. Might as well eat those crackers in the cabinet while you wait.

Stage Seven: The Last Hurrah

The clock strikes 8 PM, and while you’ve eaten some pizza now, you still have not put on shoes today and the only thing you have looked at on your computer are cartoons. Good thing you don’t have to be at work until...12 hours from now.

Stage Eight: The Surrender

You may not have accomplished, well, any of the goals you had for the day, but hey...there is always next weekend.

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